


miss

by bulletdart



Category: Tennis no Oujisama | Prince of Tennis
Genre: Character Study, Coming of Age, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 20:57:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12992370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bulletdart/pseuds/bulletdart
Summary: “Do you miss him?”Tomoka looks up from her literature notes and blinks. “Who?”Sakuno sighs. “Ryoma-kun.”Tomoka finds herself thinking about him for the first time in over a year and surprises even herself with the “no” that rolls off her tongue.





	miss

**Author's Note:**

> just a heads up i didn't tag it because it's p minor but this fic has side momokai that is all thank you for reading my self indulgent garbage. written in one sitting and unbetaed

Tomoka is thirteen when she falls in love for the first time—if you can call it love. She certainly does. What else could this feeling be, when she watches Ryoma bring his arm down for a smash, smile glinting in the sunlight?

It’s not like the love that she feels for her parents, or for her siblings. It’s not like the affection she feels for Sakuno. This feeling is new, and she doesn’t know what to call it, but she feels the butterflies in her stomach flutter up her throat, and when someone asks if she loves her precious Ryoma-sama, what else would she say but yes?

She throws herself into the thrill of this new feeling, always pushing further and further, further than she’s ever gone before.

She grabs Sakuno by the wrist and drags her from place to place, reveling in all that she has to see. She falls in love: with Ryoma over and over again, with how cool the senpai are, with tennis itself.

People scoff at Tomoka for being a lackey, but she can’t help but feel that this is where she belongs, digging her nails into Sakuno’s arm and screaming her head off at the sidelines of nationals. As Seigaku claims the championship she throws her arms around Sakuno and sobs openly, sobs not just for Ryoma, but for the school, the team.

———

Tomoka is fourteen when she experiences loss.

Sakuno is demure and delicate, everything Tomoka is not, and in the end, he chooses neither of them. Tomoka doesn’t know whether or not to feel guilty at the satisfaction she feels, when he boards his flight back to America without a backwards glance: not for her, nor for Sakuno.

Sakuno deserves better than Ryoma, that much she is sure of. Tomoka knows everything about Ryoma, knows all about the way he treated Sakuno with callous indifference. Sakuno is too good for Ryoma, and Ryoma is too good for Tomoka.

She had always been aware that Ryoma was just out of her reach. She knew that he would never reciprocate, had not been sure what she would’ve done if he did reciprocate. She was shameless about her affections because she knew that they had no consequences; she had no one to impress and nothing to lose.

———

Tomoka is fifteen when she joins the girls’ tennis club.

Her brothers are old enough now to attend their own club activities and she has free rein to do whatever she wants. On her first day of high school, she follows Sakuno to the tennis courts and presents her sign up sheet.

“I thought you were only interested in Ryoma-kun?” Sakuno asks.

Tomoka shrugs and adjusts the racquet in her grip. “Maybe I’ve developed an appreciation for it in of itself.”

Sakuno seems to accept that and tosses a tennis ball in the air, serving a perfect ace. The other girls look at her with dawning awe and Sakuno sheepishly twists her braids around her fingers.

Tomoka giggles. “You really do do better without him around to distract you, huh?”

Sakuno blushes a furious red and shakes her head. “I’ve just had more time to practice since he left. Since we stopped going to the boys’ practices I’ve been staying late to practice on my own.”

Tomoka feels a rush of guilt at that, at the thought that she might have been the one holding Sakuno back this whole time. She lets a smile spread across her face, though. “Well, you better keep doing that if you don’t want me to catch up with you!”

Sakuno laughs at that and it’s the most beautiful sound Tomoka’s heard in years.

The first tournament rolls around and Sakuno dons the regulars’ uniform. She’s no tennis prodigy, not like Ryoma, but she works three times as hard as everyone else and it  _ shows _ .

Sakuno stands out on the court for the first time instead of the sidelines and her slim knees knock together as she tugs on her braids nervously. Tomoka ties a headband around her forehead, raises Seigaku’s flag and shouts:  _ “Go, Sakuno-sama!” _ Sakuno freaks out, waving her hands for Tomoka to quiet down, to stop being such an embarrassment, but Tomoka just smiles and shouts again, the other first year girls joining in with her and Sakuno’s nerves leave her.

She wins Singles 3 6-2. Tomoka wonders why it feels sweeter than any of Ryoma’s countless victories as they hold their victory party. Sakuno hugs her tightly, whispers  _ “thank you, Tomo-chan”  _ and Tomoka wishes that she would never let go.

———

Tomoka is sixteen when she begins to suspect that there’s something wrong with her.

She averts her eyes as the girls around her unbutton their school uniforms, bending over as they exchange their uniform skirts for tennis skirts. She inhales deeply and shucks off her uniform blazer, hurriedly changing for practice.

She finds her eyes catching on her teammates the same way they did on the boys’ club in middle school, more than they did in middle school. She notices the way that sweat beads on the captain’s clavicle, notices the soft pants of her doubles partner as they run their ninth lap around the school grounds.

Tomoka’s had enough with herself when it’s the second years’ turn to clean up. Sakuno bends over to pick up a stray tennis ball and Tomoka’s eyes are glued to the creamy skin of her thighs as her skirt creeps upward. They strike a contrast against the dark navy of her safety shorts and Tomoka itches to slide her fingers under the hem of her shorts. She resists the urge to hit herself in the face with her own racket and finishes sweeping off her section of the tennis courts.

She waves goodbye to her teammates and finds herself tracing her way to the boys’ tennis courts for the first time in her high school career. She leans against the fence, waiting for the seniors to come out, and digs her fingers around the arm of the fourth boy to exit the locker room.

“Momo-chan-senpai.”

The boy in question drags her along for a split second before realizing he has a passenger. “Tomo-chan?”

She nods and smiles at him and he grins back, as gregarious as he ever was. “It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you. No reason to hang around the tennis courts without Echizen?”

“I’ve actually  _ been _ hanging out. I joined the girls’ tennis club last year.”

Momoshiro’s eyebrows shoot up. “Damn, maybe I should’ve been paying attention to the other team.” He gives her a once over. “You do seem to be doing well.”

“Thanks,” she says flatly. “Sorry to bother you out of the blue, but could we talk about something in private?”

Momoshiro wiggles his eyebrows but stops after catching a glimpse of her serious expression. “Sure thing, Tomo-chan. Let’s go get some burgers—my treat.”

They walk in silence to Momoshiro’s regular haunt and slide into a booth with their orders, Momoshiro’s pile of burgers dwarfing Tomoka’s single meal.

“So, what did you want to talk about, Tomo-chan?”

Tomoka glances around furtively and leans across the table. “How did you find out that you like boys?”

Momoshiro chokes on his french fries. “Wha—why would you—I’m not—”

“I know that you’re not gay, Momo-chan-senpai,” Tomoka replies evenly, “but it was obvious that there was something between you and Kaidoh-senpai.”

“Even more obvious than you and  _ Ryoma-sama _ ?” he asks, teasing.

Tomoka scoffs. “As if there was ever anything between us. But you’re avoiding the question.”

Momoshiro scratches the back of his neck. “Well, it’s not like a fairy came and visited me in the middle of the night and said, ‘you’re bisexual!’ I just kind of. Realized that I was noticing things about guys that like. Arai wasn’t.” He narrows his eyes at her. “Why are you asking me anyway?”

Tomoka looks away. “I think that I might like girls.” She swallows. “And only girls.”

“What about Echizen?” Momoshiro asks incredulously.

Tomoka shakes her head. “I don’t think I ever really liked him that way. I always put him up on a pedestal instead of seeing him as a potential boyfriend.”

Momoshiro nods sagely. “That makes sense, in a way. You always were a bit  _ too _ over the top to seem normal about it. Kind of like how Atobe used to be around Ann-chan.”

She clears her throat. “Speaking of Tachibana-san—

“I kind of realized about the whole liking girls thing for the first time when I played her during prefecturals.”

“So like, did you lose because you were so distracted by how smokin’ hot she is?”

Tomoka blushes and flicks a fry at Momoshiro. “No, I lost because she has three times as much tennis experience as me. But yes, I was. Distracted.”

Momoshiro whistles. “Well, I don’t blame you. She’s grown up fine.” He pauses. “And so have you.”

“Thanks, Momo-chan-senpai, but again: the only liking girls thing.”

“Speaking of that, why did you ask me about this anyway if you already figured out that you like girls?”

Tomoka clears her throat. “I have a second question. How did you tell Kaidoh-senpai?”

Momoshiro frowns. “Well, I don’t think you can really use us as a good example. I kind of told Kaoru that I was sort of gay, and maybe gay for him. And then he hissed at me and we made out.”

“Oh. Well that’s not very helpful.”

“Were you thinking of confessing to Ann-chan?” Momoshiro asks curiously.

Tomoka shakes her head. “No. I don’t really feel like I have a crush on her, even if she is really pretty. I was wondering how to tell Sakuno. As a friend.”

Momoshiro thinks for a second and then leans in across the table, hushed words falling from his lips.

———

Tomoka is seventeen when she falls in love for the first time.

“Do you miss him?”

Tomoka looks up from her literature notes and blinks. “Who?”

Sakuno sighs. “Ryoma-kun.”

Tomoka finds herself thinking about him for the first time in over a year and surprises even herself with the “no” that rolls off her tongue.

Sakuno tilts her head in confusion. “Really?”

Tomoka pauses for a second and remembers cat-like eyes and casual charisma. She remembers glances that skipped past her without a moment’s notice and the note of derision that hung in his voice as he corrected her form. She clears her throat and nods, meaning it when she says: “Really.”

“I thought that you liked him?” Sakuno asks.

“I did. Just not the same way you did.”

Sakuno splutters. “I d—I did not like him like that!”

“And Momo-chan and Kaidoh-senpai are just very good friends,” Tomoka responds sarcastically.

“Well if you didn’t like him, then what was all that  _ Ryoma-sama! Ryoma-sama!  _ stuff about?”

Tomoka shrugs. “Overcompensation.”

“For what?”

Tomoka glances towards the doorway of her bedroom and thinks of Momoshiro’s words from a few months ago. “I—

“I’m a lesbian.”

The room is so silent that you could hear a pin drop. Sakuno suddenly grabs both of Tomoka’s hands in hers. “Oh, Tomo-chan.

“You could’ve told me this sooner. Why didn’t you? You know that I love you no matter what.”

Tomoka steels herself and inhales. “That’s the problem.

“I love you. Too much.”

Sakuno loosens her grip in shock and Tomoka pulls her hands back. Sakuno surges forward and puts her hands on her shoulders, staring into her eyes seriously.

“There’s no such thing as loving me too much because I—I—

_ “I love you too!” _

Tomoka knows that the feeling she thought was love at the tender age of twelve because that pales in comparison to this. She feels her heart shatter and rebuild itself in a millisecond; her chest tightens and she can feel the heat flowing to her every extremity. She’s just overwhelmed with Sakuno, Sakuno,  _ Sakuno _ . And she throws her arms around her neck and crashes their mouths together.

She pulls back after what feels like hours but was only a couple seconds and inhales, exhales, inhales, exhales. Sakuno is smiling at her with tears brimming in her eyes and Tomoka feels something click into place in her heart and everything—everything feels right for the first time in five years.

**Author's Note:**

> if ur still here thank u so much... this is, as i said before, extremely self indulgent bc i highkey relate to the whole being obsessed with some boy while actually being a huge lesbian thing so this is me, projectin.


End file.
